im drinking this country out of the recession.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
