Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
