Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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