i permit you to call me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
