I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
