Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
