i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
