the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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