Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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