I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When did angry sex become our thing?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
