yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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