I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
