so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I believe in your delicious
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
