ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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