Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
