You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
