Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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