Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
