don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
