yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Are my feet made of real feet?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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