You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I met the friendliest cop last night
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dicks are not precious.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
