So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
