I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
