I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
