Farmville is her only friend.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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