oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize