No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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