I want to walk on stilts...naked
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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