too bad you live with your parents still
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
