Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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