He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
