wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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