the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Randomize
