Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
