Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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