another moral hangover. fuck.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
