it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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