you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
