he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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