I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
