Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
