The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i out mim tonsoeep
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
