you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
