We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
