I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
