Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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