I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
