i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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