if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
