Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Someone came in the potted fern
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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