He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
