Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
