Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
