Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
