She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
