i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
