Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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