i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize