i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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