Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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