We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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